Saturday, February 14, 2015

I'm Not an Alcoholic (I Just Play One on TV)

After writing my last post and reading the comments, I've been thinking a lot about the word alcoholic and everything associated with it.  These are not new thoughts, in fact I knew I had blogged about this very topic very early on.  I went back to check and it was on day 5!  Day 5...so early on, yet I feel exactly the same on this topic today.  Here is what I wrote back in October:

So, I’ve often thought about the “A” word (alcoholic…there I said it), and have all kinds of thoughts about it. As I was emptying the dishwasher just now I had the scariest thought yet and feel like I need to write about it NOW.

Of course I don’t want to be an alcoholic…who does? I have no problem saying I have a problem with alcohol or a drinking problem. Better yet I can say that I drink alcoholically or that I have an alcoholic mind. But to say “My name is ______ and I’m an alcoholic” …nope can’t do that. Me? Hell no. But that’s not the scary part. I just had a vision of one of my kids saying “My mom’s an alcoholic”. If I want to screw up my own life that’s one thing but to put that kind of stigma on them hardly seems fair. I really don’t like the word and what’s associated with it and honestly can’t say if I am or not. Do I live under a bridge? No. Have I ever had a DUI? No. Do I drink every day? No. Do I consistently drink more that I want to or intend to. Yes. Do I wake up in the middle of the night feeling anxious, shameful, embarrassed and just plain disgusted with myself after a night of drinking. Yes. Am I always the one who drinks more than everyone else? Yes. What does it all mean? As they say, if the shoe fits…

I still feel the same, I don't like the word.  I'm wondering...do I need to get to the place where I can admit it or does it matter?  I feel like I'm doing pretty well and after all...IT'S JUST A WORD!  I'd love to hear everyone's thoughts and opinions on this.

8 comments:

  1. I think if doing really well, then the label is not worth worrying about. And for sure you're doing really, really well. So hooray you! I know eventually I have found the word "alcoholic" helpful for me, but that took quite a while, and before that, the word just represented too many things I wanted to argue about, which was just a waste of my energy. So you might rethink it, or you might not. In any case, you're grand now and that's fantastic! xo

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    1. Thanks. It feels good to hear someone say what I wanted to hear :)

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  2. I am not ready to say that outloud to anyone. happy doing what I am doing. labels are just words!
    lisa

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  3. Dear TMSN,
    To me what matters is not a word, but rather if you are staying sober and making life better for yourself and people you love.
    Peace and Hugs,
    Wendy

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  4. I don't think it matters. I don't think I'm an alcoholic, infact I know I'm not. That doesn't mean I didn't drink too much. For me and I suspect for a lot of people alcohol became a bad habit, giving it up is still a worthwhile thing to do. I eat too much sugar too but I am not physically addicted to it. Just my thoughts anyway....Putting down the glass.

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