ONE YEAR!

Wow!  I have not made a post since MAY?!?!

Tomorrow is the big day.  I'm still sober and tomorrow marks one year! I'm very excited.  It's also a strange feeling...what's next?

Well I won't be drinking anytime soon!!

For the most part it's very easy to refrain from alcohol at this point.  One challenge that I've run into recently is wanting to drink with "new" people in my life.  I have a couple of newer friends who I have never drank with...and I suppose never will.

I also continue to struggle in my marriage.  I think stopping drinking has been a major contributing factor in that.  Time will tell how it will play out.

I am very happy and proud to have made it to the one year point!

Party Time

Hi!  Still here, still sober!  It is so funny how things have changed.  In the beginning I wanted to blog everyday, sometimes more than once a day.  I had so much inside my head that needed to come out.  Now, it seems I just don't have the time or desire as I once did.  I do think it's important though and know I'll enjoy having this record of my journey so I plan to continue even if it is much less frequently.

Things are going well as far as sobriety is concerned.  I find it very easy most of the time and I rarely think about alcohol.  I am however about to face probably the most difficult test yet.  I have been invited to a birthday party tomorrow night.  It is with a bunch of friends from my gym.  I know most of them but haven't hung out with them socially for the most part.  

I'm feeling lots of anticipatory anxiety about this event.  I suppose I'm not sure exactly but from what I can tell there will be lots of drinking.  I really want them to like me and I tend to be socially awkward.  My first instinct would have always been to drink (a lot) in an attempt to fit in.  

I really, really want to go.  Not going is not an option.  I can't hide away forever just because I'm sober.  So I need to relearn how to function at an event like this without alcohol. 

Some of the people who are going know that I've stopped drinking.  In fact I know of at least one other sober person who will be there.  Part of my worry though is how and what to tell people and what their reaction will be.

I know that a lot of the time the worry leading up to an event is much worse than how it actually turns out.  I really hope this is the case.  I know that I can get through this party without drinking I'm just not sure I can get through it without WANTING to drink.

Going Out For Drinks

Last Saturday I went "out for drinks" with some friends from the gym. NO...I did not drink alcohol :)

I was a bit nervous. I really haven't been doing much socially.  I arrived first (I'm always early...character flaw?!?),and the next to arrive was a friend I've know for a few years. I told her my big secret was that I've given up alcohol. She was very supportive. 

I didn't make a big announcement to anyone else. The hardest part by far is when the waiter first asks what everyone is having to drink. I was surprised that the first person to order had club soda with lime!  I ordered water.  The 3 others ordered wine and beer.   When my friend ordered her beer, she turned to me and said "I hope that's ok".   I said "of course"! The last thing I want to do is make anyone uncomfortable or change what they're ordering. 

No one cared that I ordered water...no one said a word!  Later, when the waiter came back to see about more drinks everyone said no thanks.  All I could think was how much I would have wanted more!

I had such a great time connecting with new friends and old. The biggest lesson here is that I CAN socialize without alcohol!  I CAN make conversation without loosening up with a drink first!  I can laugh and be silly and talk about serious things too!

Day 180!

I'm here, I'm sober and today is day 180!  I'm not sure if anyone is still reading this as I've been neglecting my blog terribly.  In the beginning I felt like I had so much to say and lately I've just been going along with my life.  But I will say this...I'm glad I'm sober and as far as sobriety goes things are going well.

Days 100-180 have flown by.  I really don't think about alcohol much at this point.  Most people who are close to me know that I'm not drinking so that makes things easier.  Something that has been bugging me lately is wanting EVERYONE to know.  For example I have a lot of friends at the gym who I see just about everyday.  It just feels weird to slip it into casual conversation.  I've thought about a short and sweet Facebook post...something like "It's been 6 months with no alcohol". Thoughts?

Speaking of Facebook...my Facebook use lately is OUT OF CONTROL.  It's always been very high but I've been posting a ton and constantly checking it. It's like I need something to be addicted to!  I suppose it's better than alcohol but maybe I need some limits?!?

If you are reading this and still on this journey with me...thank you!  Even if I'm not posting I always think of my blogging friends.  I'd like to promise that I'll post more often...I'm going to try :)

My Sober Vacation

Just got back in to town and managed to stay SOBER through an entire vacation!  We had a great time.  One of my biggest fears before getting sober was vacations/special events, and now I know I can do it.  On the plane ride there I watched the documentary called Lipstick and Liquor, and also listened to the Bubble Hour episode about the documentary.  I would recommend it.  

I'm not going to lie, I had a few moments of longing for a drink. Especially a fruity cocktail on the beach...but the craving went away quickly.  I also allowed myself to eat anything and everything on this trip, so that helped. The most amazing part was that I slept great and had no hangovers!  Here are a couple of pictures.

The kids and I with our "Magic Bands"

One of the many yummy meals I ate

Beautiful sunset on the beach

How NOT to Vacation

In a couple of short weeks, I'll be going on my first ever sober vacation. Even when I vacationed while pregnant I allowed myself one strawberry daiquiri!  It's been a while since I wrote about some of the bad drinking experiences I've had, but I want to write about one more here so it will serve as a reminder to me.

It was the summer of 2013.  Trip to California (wine country) for my brother's wedding.  One of my best friends lives in the area so as a bonus she would be along for the festivities.  A day long wine tasting excursion was planned for the first full day we were there.  Leading up to the trip I was worried about how I'd be able to handle wine tasting all day, but as it turns out I was way too hungover to even enjoy it.

As soon as we got to our hotel room there was a gift bottle of wine waiting for us.  I opened it before my husband could even put the suitcases down. The rest of the evening was spent at the pool so the kids could swim and the adults could "relax".  Throughout the evening different friends and family members came and went, always with more wine.  

Just a "few" of the bottles from that night

Long story short, I woke up in the hotel room with one of the worst hangovers of my life and a sink full of vomit.  Yep, I got sick in the sink in the very hotel room where my kids were sleeping a few feet away.  Who does that? NOT my proudest moment. Cleaning it up should have been punishment enough, but the whole next day of wine tasting was completely ruined because I felt so terrible. The day after the wedding was also ruined because of a hangover.  TWO full days of this trip were spent feeling miserable.  I will not do that again!

Still Here :)

I know I've been quiet, but I'm still here and still sober!

Who's tired of hearing me talk about shirts on a sobriety blog?  Well you are in luck, this should be my last post about the shirts!  We surprised my step aerobics teacher this morning.  It was great fun!  

Love how these turned out!

I'm still taking orders for a few shirts here and there but the majority (100 shirts) have been made and distributed.  It's been such fun reconnecting with my friend during this process.  I was initially very worried to tell her of my sobriety but now we have something to do that has nothing to do with alcohol.  I even brought her to my Dance Jam class last week.  SO MUCH FUN!

My last post was about a drinking dream and I have just learned that tonight's episode of the bubble hour is about drinking dreams.  I am very interested to listen to it.

Late Night Panic

I had the most realistic drinking dream yet.  It was so full of detail and emotion. It was similar to other drinking dreams I've had, just more vivid.

I took a drink and then was drunk.  I couldn't believe it.  I knew I would start over at day one but was so disgusted with myself for having to start over.  I was in disbelief.  I was trying to figure out how to tell my sober friends.  

I was with my daughter, far from home.  I was trying to drive and then searching for a hotel withing walking distance.  I can still see the look on her face...

I woke in a panic and then realized it was just a dream!  Thanks goodness!

Say Something

I don't have much to say but I feel like I should say something.  I hate leaving my last post out there without following up to say things are back to normal.  I don't even know what "normal" means, but I am over my freak-out from the weekend.  I appreciate the support from everyone.

I'm still busy with shirts!  I've sold 70 shirts for my dance jam class and I also take a step aerobics class and we are working on shirts to surprise the instructor with.

Lately, I rarely think about alcohol.  The thoughts slip in but they are quick to slip right back out.  When I was at my friends office working on the shirts she showed me a video of a cruise she wants to take.  Lot's of images of people drinking wine, wine glasses, having fun, relaxing.  Stuff like that is triggery for me.  I felt a longing for the wine, but it quickly passed.

The scale is also moving in the right direction, I'm finally seeing a slight change in the way I look :)

Happy Sober Thursday!

UGH

Well, I feel like I've been on a real high for quite a few days now but it was bound to come to an end. 

I hate to keep talking about these shirts I've been selling but it's been such a fun project. It's kept me busy and connected me to new friends and old. After coordinating the order and helping make the shirts (over 40 of them), I was able to deliver them yesterday. We all wore them during my exercise class and it was such a fun day. I posted a picture on Facebook of all of us in our shirts and it has over 110 likes, the most ever!  It's been exhausting but I've really had an adrenaline rush throuout. I've even taken orders for more!  

It was a weird coincidence that just as I was gaining quite a few Facebook friends from people from the gym who wanted shirts, a few people from the BFB yahoo group wanted to be Facebook friends as well. So I have lots of new fitness friends and sober friends alike!

Then some friends from a different class wanted shirts and I had my shirt making friend design something but it seems more difficult this time as lots of people are having differing opinions on how it should look. I'm hoping I didn't bite off more than I can chew and nervous to please everyone. 

Anyhow as I was feeling a bit frustrated with my shirt project this afternoon my husband came home from the doctor and asked me to download a book for him. Here's where things really went downhill. The book was about how to not walk on eggshells and get your life back when you live with someone with borderline personality disorder.  So I sort of freaked out. I went in the other room and cried (while googling BPD).  I took a bath and cried some more. 

Don't get me wrong, I mean I know I'm a hot mess but it's a bit different to hear it from someone else. I feel very vulnerable to think about the discussion he must have had with his doctor to end up with that book recommendation. 

In fact I feel vulnerable writing about this here but think it's good to get it off my chest.  It felt good to cry although I feel a bit like I've been on a emotional roller coaster. 

So tonight has been a shitty night and hoping tomorrow will be better. Although I'm suppose to meet with this group of friends at the gym in the morning to agree on shirts. Wish me luck!

What Day is it?

Some of my "sobriety apps"

After I made it to 100 days it seemed much less necessary to focus so much on my day count.  I decided to leave my counting app alone and not open it.  So there it sits at 100 days to remind me of what I have accomplished so far.  Even though I have not updated the app I did count days the other day when someone asked me what day I was on, but I considered the fact that I had to actually go to the calendar and figure it out progress!  So right now I know I am somewhere between day 120-125.

Another thing that's made it easy to lose track is that I've been extra busy the past couple of weeks.  I did my taxes, refinanced my house, my father-in-law had open heart surgery (he's doing well), and I coordinated a shirt order of more that $1000 for my friend who makes shirts from my friends at the gym.

I guess the point here is that I am spending much less time thinking about drinking and much more time living life :)

Fun and Games

My poor early blooming crocus flowers

We are having a nice little snowstorm here today.  The kids are out of school for President's Day so it will be a bit harder to get myself to the gym, but I'm going! I'm sure you are all on the edge of your seat wondering how my weight loss is coming along.  It is going slowly, but going.  I have been a pound lighter on each of the past 3 Monday mornings!  I feel like my issues with food mimic my issues with alcohol in so many ways.  Some times I feel such a strong urge to eat, just as I would to drink.  To take away the bad feelings.  But you HAVE to eat so it gets tricky.

Yesterday I tried non-alcoholic wine for the first time.  I've had such mixed feelings about this subject.  A while back some people on the BFB were talking about non alcoholic beer and which kinds taste best, etc.  I decided I was going to buy some and then I started obsessing about it in my head.  Thinking about buying it, opening it and drinking it.  Wanting that feeling and then remembering it would not give me that feeling.  It scared me a little so I decided not to buy any...seemed as if I was perhaps not ready.  Then right before Christmas I bought a bottle of non-alcoholic wine as I thought I might want it over the holidays.  I was scared to open it and it has been sitting on my counter ever since.  

I've mentioned before that playing board games with my family is a huge trigger for me.  I hate admitting that as I feel like a horrible person, but sadly it's true. So yesterday my husband went to the store and came home with a new board game and two bottles of wine.  I cringed inside just a bit.  I really wanted some wine if I was going to sit down and play.  So I debated a bit and then decided to try the non-alcoholic version.  The process of getting the wine glass out of the cabinet and holding it in my hand...the sound of the wine pouring, it was so familiar.  Because I've been counting calories I didn't want to drink too much of the stuff so I measured out my portion and tasted it.  It didn't necessarily taste good but it didn't taste bad either.  I had two glasses (1/2 cup each/70 calories total...lol).  

All in all it was an interesting experience.  I'm not really looking forward to the next time I will drink it but I think in certain situations it could be really helpful. The other thing I noticed was how quickly the craving passed.  It was a strong craving but by the time we sat down to play it was gone.  I need to remember that.

I'm Not an Alcoholic (I Just Play One on TV)

After writing my last post and reading the comments, I've been thinking a lot about the word alcoholic and everything associated with it.  These are not new thoughts, in fact I knew I had blogged about this very topic very early on.  I went back to check and it was on day 5!  Day 5...so early on, yet I feel exactly the same on this topic today.  Here is what I wrote back in October:

So, I’ve often thought about the “A” word (alcoholic…there I said it), and have all kinds of thoughts about it. As I was emptying the dishwasher just now I had the scariest thought yet and feel like I need to write about it NOW.

Of course I don’t want to be an alcoholic…who does? I have no problem saying I have a problem with alcohol or a drinking problem. Better yet I can say that I drink alcoholically or that I have an alcoholic mind. But to say “My name is ______ and I’m an alcoholic” …nope can’t do that. Me? Hell no. But that’s not the scary part. I just had a vision of one of my kids saying “My mom’s an alcoholic”. If I want to screw up my own life that’s one thing but to put that kind of stigma on them hardly seems fair. I really don’t like the word and what’s associated with it and honestly can’t say if I am or not. Do I live under a bridge? No. Have I ever had a DUI? No. Do I drink every day? No. Do I consistently drink more that I want to or intend to. Yes. Do I wake up in the middle of the night feeling anxious, shameful, embarrassed and just plain disgusted with myself after a night of drinking. Yes. Am I always the one who drinks more than everyone else? Yes. What does it all mean? As they say, if the shoe fits…

I still feel the same, I don't like the word.  I'm wondering...do I need to get to the place where I can admit it or does it matter?  I feel like I'm doing pretty well and after all...IT'S JUST A WORD!  I'd love to hear everyone's thoughts and opinions on this.

Hi, My Name is Sarah and...

Gotcha!

You thought you knew how I was going to finish that sentence, right?  But that is not what this is about.  Well it is and it isn't.  The point of this post is that I have a name and it is Sarah.  

I think it's been pretty egocentric of me to think that anyone would find this blog, figure out it was me and care.  Don't get me wrong, I'm not going to post a map of my house, throw up a picture of myself or even give my last name. I'd still like to keep a pretty high degree of anonymity, but knowing my name will hopefully make my blog just a little more personable.  

Shirt Craziness

These shirts sell themselves

Hi Everyone!  I am taking a break from my regularly scheduled blogging activities as I have gotten myself involved in a rather large project.  One of my fitness instructors casually mentioned that she'd like to have a shirt made and I casually mentioned that my best friend makes custom shirts and I am now in the middle of putting together a large complicated order as it seems everyone wants one.  I haven't visited any blogs in a few days and I miss you guys but I will catch up soon.

Best part is I haven't had a second to even think about alcohol!

Groundhog Day

Well today the dogs ate the remote, but don't worry...I didn't cry!

The offenders and the evidence

It was also crazy sock day at my favorite fitness class!

Crazy sock day

I'm in a really good mood.  I guess it's a pink cloud day.  I am feeling better and the sun is out.  Also the scale seems to finally be moving in the right direction. It's moving slowly, but I'll take it.  Getting on the scale in the morning can affect my mood for the entire day!

Groundhog day has me thinking of how in the end my drinking pattern had become like a bad version of the movie.  It went something like this:

• Think longingly about how lovely a glass of wine would be
• Convince myself I'd only have one glass (maybe two)
• Drink the whole bottle (sometimes more)
• Wake up at 3 am, unable to sleep
• Try unsuccessfully to understand why I'd had too much once again
• Feel terrible the next day, mentally and physically
• Repeat (not everyday but all to often)

I'm really glad NOT to be doing that anymore!

The Blanket Debacle

Way back before any of you lovely people were reading this blog, back on Day 11 in fact, I wrote about a special sober treat I bought myself (as a side note it is funny to go back and read these older posts now).  My treat was the softest, comfiest, most wonderful blanket in the entire world.  I had gotten quite attached to it, snuggling up with it every night...my reminder of how much better sleep is when sober.  

Yesterday I decided to skip the gym as I've been sick.  My plan was to bring this treasured blanket out of it's place on my bed and into the living room and curl up with it and watch mindless TV all day.  All was going according to plan and I was having a nice relaxing day until I decided to run to the store for some cold medicine and...

MY DOGS TOOK MY PRECIOUS BLANKET OUTSIDE AND FUCKING ATE IT!

I wish I could blame someone other than myself.  My dogs have been known to eat everything from socks to sweatshirts to hats.  I was planning to be so careful with my blanket and only use it for a few hours before returning it to the bedroom.

I was so mad (and sad) that I cried!  Last night I really missed it.

It's Official...I'm Sick

With so much sickness going around this winter I've been lucky so far.  In fact, I haven't been sick at all since I quit drinking.  I've felt it coming on the past couple of days and tried to deny it, tried to load up on vitamins.   This morning when I woke up I could not deny it anymore...I'm officially sick. It's a cold...not the end of the world.  It's interesting though that I have gotten so use to feeling good when I wake up in the morning that it was strange to wake up this morning and NOT feel good.  

I tried to talk myself out of going to the gym this morning and then remembered all the times I went to the gym with a hangover (feeling much worse), just to prove that I wasn't feeling that bad and didn't have a problem. So I did go this morning but may stay home to rest tomorrow if I'm not feeling better, after all I don't have anything to prove anymore! 

Some people have said that being sick is a trigger to drink.  I really don't feel that way and never have.  Although there was this one time in college that I specifically remember.  I was sick with a cold and went out drinking. I drank so much that my cold was completely GONE the next day.  I use to tell this story to brag, but as I think of it now I can only imagine just how much alcohol must have been in my system to completely knock out that virus...yuck!

The only thing I'll be drinking this afternoon is hot tea!

~DAY 100~

It's day 100.  Woo Hoo!  I have a massage scheduled for tomorrow afternoon to celebrate!

Here is a list of the top things I've learned.

10.  It's not easy.  There are good days and bad.  Some days I feel like shouting from the mountaintops about how I love being sober and some days I feel grouchy and resentful about it.

9.  Nothing good has magically happened since I became sober.  I didn't lose 10 pounds (in fact I initially gained weight) and my marriage still has issues.  I will need to work on these things to make them better.

8.  I still don't "know" how to meditate exactly, but I love listening to Tara Brach as part of my bedtime routine.

7.  I love blogging (this was a surprise).  It's not just my own blog...but the interaction.  I am grateful to my handful of followers (you) who comment on my blog. Also, I love to read words written by someone else and feel I could have written them myself.

6.  I don't miss hangovers...enough said!

5.  Other people don't drink as much as I thought they did.  The only people who will be upset that I'm not drinking are the ones who's brains are wired similarly to mine.

4.  It seems that people who drink too much share other personality characteristics as well.  

3.  I have never regretted NOT drinking the night before.

2.  Sleep is huge.  I love going to bed sober and I love sleeping through the night!

1.  I can do this and YOU can too!

Here is a list of the top things that have been helpful.

5.  Books

• Sober is the New Black
• Mrs. D is Going Without
• Kick the Drink...Easily
• Drinking: A Love Story

4.  Blogs

• writing my own blog
• reading others blogs
• commenting on others blogs

3.  Booze Free Brigage (BFB)

• Yahoo group
• Facebook group

2.  Podcasts

• The Bubble Hour
• Belle's audios
• Tara Brach

All of the above have connected me to others, which brings me to the most important thing that has helped me through my first 100 days.

1.  Realizing that I am not alone.  There are other people just like me.

Thank YOU for being on this journey with me.  Looking forward to day 101 and beyond :)

Judgement

I'd like to think that I don't judge others, but unfortunately sometimes I find myself doing just that.  When I stop to think about it, I find that it has to do with me...not them.  It is usually based on one of my own insecurities.  Judging them so I can feel better about myself.  Sounds ugly when I put it out there like that.  I am going to work on being more mindful of this.

I've written before on my blog about blogging.  I obviously enjoy it and it is my main connection to other people who are sober.  I really feel like I am making connections with people (yes YOU).  It is strange though for it to be done anonymously.  I understand why (as I am anonymous myself), but sometimes wish there was more.  

Anyhow...all of this rambling about blogging has a point.  As I was checking in on all of my blogging friends yesterday morning I noticed that one of the blogs was gone when I clicked on it.  Just gone.  Today?  Still gone.  So of course I am left wondering what happened.  Is she drinking?  Is she ok?  Will she come back?  I hope she is well and no matter what has happened I hope she will be back.  Of course there is no judgement here, only concern...and the reminder of how fragile sobriety can be.

The sunrises have been beautiful lately.  It's usually as I sit here doing the sober blogging thing that I notice the beautiful pink clouds.  The start of another sober day.

Pink Clouds

Day 90

Well today is day 90!

My grouchy mood from the weekend has passed.

Overall the 90 days have gone by very fast.  I am happy to have made it this far and have every intention of continuing.  I told someone recently that I plan to not drink for at least a year.

Here's a small piece of irony.  I wrote not long ago about how I'd become fascinated with the podcast Serial.  So I've told a lot of people at my gym about it and now that they are listening they want to meet for drinks to discuss it! I've known this group of people for a while but never hung out socially.  One of them (who is a non drinker herself) knows that I don't drink.  She's actually been a great support to me.  Other than her they don't know (and probably won't care).  Weird though to be facing a social outing with new people.  I feel a bit anxious about the whole thing.  At least I am passionate about the topic!

Yesterday was a Hot Mess

I'd call yesterday a bad day.  I was super grouchy.

First thing I did was get on the scale.  I knew pretty much exactly what it would say but I was disappointed anyway.  I've done this yo-yo dieting thing enough times to know that losing weight takes time and yet I want immediate results. After all, I've been staying within my calorie limit for almost 2 weeks and I went to the gym 6 out out 7 days last week.  Surely I'd have lost 15 pounds by now. Guess what...I haven't!

Then I went to they gym which was actually fun as I love my Sunday class.  On the way home I found out that there was an extra ticket for the playoff football game.  This should be exciting news, and it was.  It's just that I knew it would be challenging as I'd just gone to a game a couple of weeks ago.  We sit in a suite complete with a bar, bartender and food buffet.  Last time I drank tea and ate the yummy food.  This time I drank tea and ate 2 pickles!  My attitude was terrible.  I wanted to be holding a huge plastic cup filled with foamy beer.  

I wanted to enjoy the game and I did somewhat but I was filled with negative thoughts.  My own temper tantrum in my head.  WHY CAN'T I HAVE DRINKS? Everyone else is having drinks.  Why can't I be a normal drinker?  Maybe this no drinking thing was a BAD idea.  AND...this was MY idea...why exactly am I doing this to myself?

I also failed all day to have any civilized conversation with my husband. Instead, every word that came out of my mouth was either bitchy, accusatory or lecturing.  YUCK!

I was even on the brink of tears a couple of times.

I've heard other sober people talk of this magical land where they LIKE being sober.  People have said they enjoy social events sober and even have fun!  I need a map to this magical place because I was nowhere near there yesterday.

Today will be better :)

The Bad, the Good and the Fluffy

I've got a couple of things to write about this morning.  One is a very serious situation happening in my life and how I'm reacting to it and the other is a totally ridiculous reality TV show I'm watching.  I'll start with the serious and end with the fluff.

A member of my husbands family is dealing with a very serious health issue and unfortunately I've not handled it very well.  When it first happened I had my feelings hurt because I was not on the group text and did not find out right away.  My husband was at work and he and I didn't communicate about it right away either.  After a visit to the hospital (on which I should have accompanied him) my husband came home emotionally drained and instead of being supportive and helpful I was a huge baby because MY feelings were hurt. Needless to say that conversation didn't go well.  The last thing I wanted to do is argue with my husband during a tragedy, yet that was what was happening.  

I went to bed and told myself that I'd do better.  I needed to realize that this was not about ME!  The people who were on the group text were the ones who should have been.  I really felt like I needed to grow up and act like an adult. That was two days ago and I do think yesterday was a bit better. I accompanied my husband to the hospital and then left to pick up the kids from school.  He came home quite a bit later and was very upset. I wanted to know what was going on but I think the mistake I made was asking him the minute he walked in.  He was visibly upset and I think waiting and letting him have time to decompress would have been better.

Again...today will be better.  I think the most frustrating thing is knowing I'm acting in an unhealthy way but still doing it anyway.  It can be so hard to change behavior.

Now for the fluff!

The fluff is The Bachelor...one of my favorite guilty pleasures!  I love it and have watched for such a long time.  There is so much alcohol on that show!  I just watched the first episode of the season and there was one poor girl who drank so much she could hardly stand up (and she got a rose!)  Of course I would never be on the show but if I was a can guarantee I would be the one who would have drank too much!  Also they always drink wine on the dates.  It is such a glamorous image of wine drinking.  I would always wonder how they could do that for so many nights in a row without being hungover, how they could sip the wine so slowly.  Now I know that they are most likely normal drinkers, it just seems so foreign to me and the way I use to drink.

So there it is.  The bad (terrible things happen), the good (I'm aware of my issues and working on them), and the fluff (gotta love reality TV). 

Back to Life, Back to Reality

Well, my kids are officially going back to school in just under 2 hours.  The older they've gotten, the more I enjoy having them home in the summer and on breaks.  I'll actually miss them and the lazy days we've been having :)

The holidays are over, the parties are over, break from school and nightly activities is over, eating everything in sight is over.  Now what?

Now we settle back in to normal and just keep going!

And you get bonus points if you are now singing the song I referenced in the title!

One More Thing

I enjoyed the holidays this year, and I'm also looking forward to settling back into our usual routine.  First though, I have one more event to attend and it's tonight.

I have mentioned before that I am fast approaching 40 (not sure how that's possible), which means my friends are all turning 40 as well.  40 seems to be a big deal as far as parties go.  I have a close group of friends who I've known since high school and last summer the first of us turned 40.  I wrote about that here.  Well tonight is the 40th birthday party of one of my other best friends (my best drinking buddy). I've known her more than 20 years, in fact I've drank with here for more than 20 years.  I absolutely love her and value our friendship, but she tends to be a party girl.  She is actually having TWO 40th birthday parties.  I picked the party tonight because although there will be heavy drinking I'm guessing it will be the mellower of the two.  Of course, up until a couple of months ago I was just as much of a drinker (probably more) and would have been looking forward to this night as a reason to drink heavily.

When I stopped drinking back in October, I knew this day would come.  This was one of the future events that I could not imagine not drinking at.  Luckily, as Belle would say, I've got a bit of sober momentum going.  I know I won't drink tonight and she knows I won't drink tonight.  What I don't know, is that I won't feel socially awkward tonight.

I'm really not a fan of socializing.  I'm terrible at small talk, I hate mingling. Wine was such a good remedy to that problem.  This won't be a small party and I'll miss the crutch I've relied on for so long.  Luckily, another friend from our group (total normal drinker) will be there and I can hang with her.

I've also packed a party bag with a few things that might help.  I have a few cans of La Croix, a protein bar (since I've decided to lose weight I won't be munching on the food either), a hat (it's a hat/mustache/wig party) and my essential oils catalog.  I've recently discovered essential oils and my friend has indicated that she wants to order...this will give me something to talk about and focus on.  Also, Rachel recently posted about making conversation, I'll bring these ideas as well.

I am looking forward to the moment tonight when I lay my sober head on my pillow and congratulate myself for a job well done.

~ Happy New Year ~

This would be funny if it wasn't true!

To anyone reading this...Happy New Year!  I originally had thoughts of today being my day 1 but instead it is day 75.  I am grateful for that, I feel as if the hardest time of the year to not drink is now behind me!

I have struggled with my weight for years and been a chronic yo-yo dieter for a very long time.  When I gave up alcohol 75 days ago I also gave myself permission to eat anything and everything.  I needed some kind of reward and food works great because I love it so much.  Also, I was dealing with plantar fasciitis and out of my usual gym routine for about 6 weeks.  I tend to put on a few pounds during the holiday season anyway, this year it's been more than a "few."  Maybe the worst part is that I really have had to get my bigger jeans down off the top shelf in my closet. 

I got on the scale this morning...I knew it wouldn't be good.  I have a certain weight that I feel comfortable at.  Not model thin or anything, just healthy.  I am officially 15 pounds up from there...UGH!  So it's time to get serious about weight loss yet again.  

My gym has a 5K race every year on New Year's Day.  I had always wondered what kind of a person was feeling good enough on New Year's Day to complete a 5K.  Well this year I do!  A couple of weeks ago I signed up my whole family. We will be walking, not running...but I think it will be a great thing to get us all in a healthier frame of mind.

Here's to a happy, healthy and sober 2015!