Obsessions

According to dictionary.com, an obsession is:

an idea or thought that continually preoccupies or intrudes on a person's mind.

There are lots of things I am obsessed with. My phone, candy crush, coffee, TV, drinking, being sober. In fact it was just over a week ago that I wrote about me new preoccupation with the online sober world.

Well I have another new obsession (see any patterns?). I apologize as this is a little off topic but it is so much on my mind that I feel I must write about it. It's a podcast called Serial. It's become quite popular, from the makers of This American Life. It's a real life murder mystery. I'd heard about it from a friend at the gym who desperately needed someone to talk to about it and went home and listened to the first episode and the rest is history. From last Friday evening until Sunday morning I caught up on all episodes. Then in the next couple of days I listened to them all again. Then I found another podcast which talks about the podcast and listened to all episodes of that. Then I found blogs and websites that discuss the podcast and spent all day yesterday reading and listening. Then last night I had to make myself stop. I shut the computer (gasp) and put my phone in another room to give my mind a little rest!

A couple of observations as this relates to sobriety. 1. I have literally been so enthralled with Serial that I have not had time to obsess or even think about wine or being sober. Of course I am sober but I haven't been thinking about it. 2. Before I got sober a couple of months ago I was not a regular listener of podcasts (of any kind) or reader of blogs (of any kind). Then I was introduced to sober blogs and podcasts and now I'm obsessed with a different podcast and related blogs. Coincidence?


Of course I'd love to hear from you if you happen to be listening to Serial. I'd also like to recommend it, but knowing that you may have addictive tendencies (as I do)...be warned. Highly addictive!

Day 7 October 25, 2014

I feel great today. My son had his first basketball game of the season. He played at my old School and it was so fun and weird to go inside. But the best part is that am not hungover today as I have been so often on Saturday mornings in the past. I enjoyed the game instead of wishing it was over because I didn’t feel good.

So It is one week since the last time I had a drink. Last Saturday was actually pretty uneventful in the grand scheme of my life as a drinker. At about 3:00 I found myself home entirely alone. So I pulled out a bottle of white wine from the fridge. It was a little less than half full and I told myself I’d finish it and wouldn’t need any more. It was a gorgeous day outside, so I sat with my wine and soon felt the desire to open another bottle (red, my preferred choice). I didn’t finish that bottle, I left about an inch or two in the bottom. I played Candy Crush, watched a good football game and went to bed. Nothing “bad” happened. Then I woke up in the middle of the night AGAIN, couldn’t sleep AGAIN, felt like shit AGAIN.

At this point I’d already admitted to myself that I had a problem, contemplated quitting, and in fact had thought about quitting for a year on January 1 2015. It would be so much easier to quit after the holidays were over. But for some reason the thought occurred to me that I could start NOW instead and by January I’d already have over 60 days under my belt. I didn’t make a firm commitment to quit as I lay there in the night but over the next few days I found some awesome blogs and have been totally fascinated this week in reading them. I started this a couple of days later.

So here I am on day 7.

Oh…almost forgot. I told my husband this morning. It was almost uneventful. Of course I’ve said similar things before but I did include the fact that this was “for good” and I have “a problem”. He asked how he can help and I’m not even sure at this point. As they say…the cat’s out of the bag!

Day 4 October 22, 2014

I feel good today. Today will be an easy day to be sober. Weekdays usually are. I’m tired, the past 2 nights my mind has been racing at and I’ve found it hard to fall asleep. Dogs were up at 6:00. They both slept in the same crate last night and I didn’t even realize it until this morning (and was completely sober when tucking them in), funny!

New candy crush levels are out! This is another addiction of mine. I love to play with a glass of wine in my hand but I also love it without!

Doubts…Should I have started this blog? Is it really private? What if someone sees it? What if I can’t stop drinking forever? What if I don’t need to stop drinking forever? What if I don’t want to stop drinking forever? Who should I tell? What will they say? Do I really have a problem? What about vacations, holidays, weddings, weekends?