Day 180!

I'm here, I'm sober and today is day 180!  I'm not sure if anyone is still reading this as I've been neglecting my blog terribly.  In the beginning I felt like I had so much to say and lately I've just been going along with my life.  But I will say this...I'm glad I'm sober and as far as sobriety goes things are going well.

Days 100-180 have flown by.  I really don't think about alcohol much at this point.  Most people who are close to me know that I'm not drinking so that makes things easier.  Something that has been bugging me lately is wanting EVERYONE to know.  For example I have a lot of friends at the gym who I see just about everyday.  It just feels weird to slip it into casual conversation.  I've thought about a short and sweet Facebook post...something like "It's been 6 months with no alcohol". Thoughts?

Speaking of Facebook...my Facebook use lately is OUT OF CONTROL.  It's always been very high but I've been posting a ton and constantly checking it. It's like I need something to be addicted to!  I suppose it's better than alcohol but maybe I need some limits?!?

If you are reading this and still on this journey with me...thank you!  Even if I'm not posting I always think of my blogging friends.  I'd like to promise that I'll post more often...I'm going to try :)

UGH

Well, I feel like I've been on a real high for quite a few days now but it was bound to come to an end. 

I hate to keep talking about these shirts I've been selling but it's been such a fun project. It's kept me busy and connected me to new friends and old. After coordinating the order and helping make the shirts (over 40 of them), I was able to deliver them yesterday. We all wore them during my exercise class and it was such a fun day. I posted a picture on Facebook of all of us in our shirts and it has over 110 likes, the most ever!  It's been exhausting but I've really had an adrenaline rush throuout. I've even taken orders for more!  

It was a weird coincidence that just as I was gaining quite a few Facebook friends from people from the gym who wanted shirts, a few people from the BFB yahoo group wanted to be Facebook friends as well. So I have lots of new fitness friends and sober friends alike!

Then some friends from a different class wanted shirts and I had my shirt making friend design something but it seems more difficult this time as lots of people are having differing opinions on how it should look. I'm hoping I didn't bite off more than I can chew and nervous to please everyone. 

Anyhow as I was feeling a bit frustrated with my shirt project this afternoon my husband came home from the doctor and asked me to download a book for him. Here's where things really went downhill. The book was about how to not walk on eggshells and get your life back when you live with someone with borderline personality disorder.  So I sort of freaked out. I went in the other room and cried (while googling BPD).  I took a bath and cried some more. 

Don't get me wrong, I mean I know I'm a hot mess but it's a bit different to hear it from someone else. I feel very vulnerable to think about the discussion he must have had with his doctor to end up with that book recommendation. 

In fact I feel vulnerable writing about this here but think it's good to get it off my chest.  It felt good to cry although I feel a bit like I've been on a emotional roller coaster. 

So tonight has been a shitty night and hoping tomorrow will be better. Although I'm suppose to meet with this group of friends at the gym in the morning to agree on shirts. Wish me luck!

[Insert Clever Title Here]

Now that I have completed the first 30 days I plan to start giving my blog posts a title with words and not just day counts.  I'll throw in an occasional day count as I reach certain milestones I'm sure.

I can count on one hand (5) the number of people I know in my personal life who are non drinkers.  Yesterday at the gym I ran into one of these people and she told me to send her my email address for something totally unrelated.  As I was sending it to her I thought to myself, "You know she doesn't drink, why not ask her about it? It might be good to reach out to another sober person.  Maybe she has some tips."

So I did.  I told her I'd stopped drinking about a month ago and did she have any tips for me?  We exchanged a few emails back and forth and not only did she open up about her non drinking, she also opened up about other addiction related things that have shaped her life. 

Her story is interesting to me because she was apparently not at all a heavy drinker and had just one bad experience with drinking and then decided to give it up.  She shared that it has been very difficult socially, which of course was not a surprise. 

This person and I are Facebook friends and during our email exchange she said something along the lines of "I don't know if you know this about me...my Facebook is not me".  I have thought about this before and discussed it with other friends.  It's rare, if at all, that anyone's Facebook is the real them.  Wouldn't it be crazy if we all put our real shit out there for everyone to see!?!

Whenever I hear someone else's story of sobriety I inevitably find myself comparing my story with theirs.  Often times I find myself saying "I wasn't that bad".  In a way that makes me feel better but it is also dangerous because it can lead to thinking things like "I wasn't that bad, maybe I don't need to stop", etc.  In this case, My drinking was obviously worse than hers, yet she chose to quit.  Therefore my quitting is definitely justified. 

Blogging has been a fantastic release for me and I get so excited that people are actually visiting my page and even more excited when they leave a comment.  I am also finding that each time I tell someone in my real life I feel a small amount of relief as well.  I think both are important.