Major Holiday Sober ... Check!

Thanksgiving is over.  Well sort of.  Tomorrow is my mom's Thanksgiving and it will actually be more difficult because I'll be around other people.  My mom knows of my sobriety and said she'd support me by not drinking.  The others who will be there are all very normal drinkers and will be supportive.  We are making a gingerbread house with my kids as we have done for years and it's hard to picture myself getting through that without a glass of wine but I know I will.

Yesterday was the most uneventful Thanksgiving I've ever had.  After I came home from the gym I spent the rest of the day in my pajamas and the turkey was good!

I guess I've now made it a habit of watching my husband drink.  When I was drinking with him I think I was too worried about how I could get the majority of the wine that I never noticed just how boring of a drinker he is.  Of course he has had too much on occasion, but it is very rare.

Anyhow, yesterday he opened a special bottle of wine.  Special because it is from a winery we have been to and was a gift.  I never saw him pour more, but I know he either had one large glass or 2 small (normal) glasses because there is about half a bottle left.  HALF A BOTTLE LEFT?  Still fascinated by someone who can do that.  Especially on a holiday.  He doesn't have to go to work today, it was a really good bottle of wine, it was a gift, etc.  All the reasons my brain would have told me to finish it and probably open another. 

I'm really worried about the rest of that wine going bad.  And yes there is a part of me that is just sad about not having any.  Don't worry, I'm not going to drink it...but that leads me to the other interesting thing that happened yesterday.

When my husband opened the wine I grabbed the bottle and said I wanted to smell it.  My son saw me grab the bottle and said, "Mom, drink water with me!"  This sort of stopped me in my tracks for a moment.  He knows I've stopped drinking and I've mentioned my blog.  He hasn't actually read it but thinks it's cool that it gets hits from different countries and things like that.  So he knows generally what I'm doing but I haven't made too much of a big deal about it.  So I was a little surprised by his reaction and am curious what it was all about.  Does he just want me to succeed in something I've started or does he genuinely not like it (me) when I drink wine? I'm pretty sure I know the answer. 

I think the point is that I am learning more and more that my kids have been affected by my drinking.  It was so easy to tell myself that it was fine and that everyone else does it and they didn't really know what was going on.  Hopefully the good example I can provide now will be enough to offset the bad.  My daughter is really only about 3 years away from the age I was when I had my first drink.

The other thing I did yesterday was read...a lot.  I love to read and have spent a ton of time reading blogs and books about recovery in the last month and a half.  In fact, that is a huge part of me getting this far.  Yesterday though, I decided to read a regular old book and it was great to read a normal book again!

"One Time When Mom Was Drunk"

I hated writing that title and I hate the fact that those words came out of my daughter's mouth just the other day.  She was talking about something I had said while drinking and it was true and it was something I would have said whether or not I had been drinking.  But even though I did say it and do believe it, it doesn't change the fact that she was aware of the drinking and thinks it changes what I say and how I act.

Yesterday was a trigger filled day for me.  No school, no evening activities, slight boredom.  A perfect day to open a bottle of wine (early) and drink all afternoon (I didn't).  Then my husband came home from work and poured himself a glass of wine and wanted to play a board game.  Board games are a huge trigger for me.  I feel like such a shitty person when I say this but for whatever reason I always felt like I needed wine to sit down and play a game with my family.  I remember the first time we taught the kids how to play Monopoly.  There were three empty wine bottles on the counter by the time the game was over.

Even though the thought made me grumpy, last night I poured myself a sparkling water/cranberry drink with lime and played cards with my family.  It can be done!  Then I watched with fascination as my husband finished his (ONE!) glass of wine and put the glass in the sink.  I was thinking that one would have never been enough for me.  It's always so crazy to me when someone really does just drink one glass of wine.

Today is Thanksgiving.  I'm starting with my favorite exercise class at the gym and I'm cooking a turkey for the first time in my life!  There might be more board games in my future this afternoon and I'm ready!