Say Something

I don't have much to say but I feel like I should say something.  I hate leaving my last post out there without following up to say things are back to normal.  I don't even know what "normal" means, but I am over my freak-out from the weekend.  I appreciate the support from everyone.

I'm still busy with shirts!  I've sold 70 shirts for my dance jam class and I also take a step aerobics class and we are working on shirts to surprise the instructor with.

Lately, I rarely think about alcohol.  The thoughts slip in but they are quick to slip right back out.  When I was at my friends office working on the shirts she showed me a video of a cruise she wants to take.  Lot's of images of people drinking wine, wine glasses, having fun, relaxing.  Stuff like that is triggery for me.  I felt a longing for the wine, but it quickly passed.

The scale is also moving in the right direction, I'm finally seeing a slight change in the way I look :)

Happy Sober Thursday!

Fun and Games

My poor early blooming crocus flowers

We are having a nice little snowstorm here today.  The kids are out of school for President's Day so it will be a bit harder to get myself to the gym, but I'm going! I'm sure you are all on the edge of your seat wondering how my weight loss is coming along.  It is going slowly, but going.  I have been a pound lighter on each of the past 3 Monday mornings!  I feel like my issues with food mimic my issues with alcohol in so many ways.  Some times I feel such a strong urge to eat, just as I would to drink.  To take away the bad feelings.  But you HAVE to eat so it gets tricky.

Yesterday I tried non-alcoholic wine for the first time.  I've had such mixed feelings about this subject.  A while back some people on the BFB were talking about non alcoholic beer and which kinds taste best, etc.  I decided I was going to buy some and then I started obsessing about it in my head.  Thinking about buying it, opening it and drinking it.  Wanting that feeling and then remembering it would not give me that feeling.  It scared me a little so I decided not to buy any...seemed as if I was perhaps not ready.  Then right before Christmas I bought a bottle of non-alcoholic wine as I thought I might want it over the holidays.  I was scared to open it and it has been sitting on my counter ever since.  

I've mentioned before that playing board games with my family is a huge trigger for me.  I hate admitting that as I feel like a horrible person, but sadly it's true. So yesterday my husband went to the store and came home with a new board game and two bottles of wine.  I cringed inside just a bit.  I really wanted some wine if I was going to sit down and play.  So I debated a bit and then decided to try the non-alcoholic version.  The process of getting the wine glass out of the cabinet and holding it in my hand...the sound of the wine pouring, it was so familiar.  Because I've been counting calories I didn't want to drink too much of the stuff so I measured out my portion and tasted it.  It didn't necessarily taste good but it didn't taste bad either.  I had two glasses (1/2 cup each/70 calories total...lol).  

All in all it was an interesting experience.  I'm not really looking forward to the next time I will drink it but I think in certain situations it could be really helpful. The other thing I noticed was how quickly the craving passed.  It was a strong craving but by the time we sat down to play it was gone.  I need to remember that.

Yesterday was a Hot Mess

I'd call yesterday a bad day.  I was super grouchy.

First thing I did was get on the scale.  I knew pretty much exactly what it would say but I was disappointed anyway.  I've done this yo-yo dieting thing enough times to know that losing weight takes time and yet I want immediate results. After all, I've been staying within my calorie limit for almost 2 weeks and I went to the gym 6 out out 7 days last week.  Surely I'd have lost 15 pounds by now. Guess what...I haven't!

Then I went to they gym which was actually fun as I love my Sunday class.  On the way home I found out that there was an extra ticket for the playoff football game.  This should be exciting news, and it was.  It's just that I knew it would be challenging as I'd just gone to a game a couple of weeks ago.  We sit in a suite complete with a bar, bartender and food buffet.  Last time I drank tea and ate the yummy food.  This time I drank tea and ate 2 pickles!  My attitude was terrible.  I wanted to be holding a huge plastic cup filled with foamy beer.  

I wanted to enjoy the game and I did somewhat but I was filled with negative thoughts.  My own temper tantrum in my head.  WHY CAN'T I HAVE DRINKS? Everyone else is having drinks.  Why can't I be a normal drinker?  Maybe this no drinking thing was a BAD idea.  AND...this was MY idea...why exactly am I doing this to myself?

I also failed all day to have any civilized conversation with my husband. Instead, every word that came out of my mouth was either bitchy, accusatory or lecturing.  YUCK!

I was even on the brink of tears a couple of times.

I've heard other sober people talk of this magical land where they LIKE being sober.  People have said they enjoy social events sober and even have fun!  I need a map to this magical place because I was nowhere near there yesterday.

Today will be better :)

~ Happy New Year ~

This would be funny if it wasn't true!

To anyone reading this...Happy New Year!  I originally had thoughts of today being my day 1 but instead it is day 75.  I am grateful for that, I feel as if the hardest time of the year to not drink is now behind me!

I have struggled with my weight for years and been a chronic yo-yo dieter for a very long time.  When I gave up alcohol 75 days ago I also gave myself permission to eat anything and everything.  I needed some kind of reward and food works great because I love it so much.  Also, I was dealing with plantar fasciitis and out of my usual gym routine for about 6 weeks.  I tend to put on a few pounds during the holiday season anyway, this year it's been more than a "few."  Maybe the worst part is that I really have had to get my bigger jeans down off the top shelf in my closet. 

I got on the scale this morning...I knew it wouldn't be good.  I have a certain weight that I feel comfortable at.  Not model thin or anything, just healthy.  I am officially 15 pounds up from there...UGH!  So it's time to get serious about weight loss yet again.  

My gym has a 5K race every year on New Year's Day.  I had always wondered what kind of a person was feeling good enough on New Year's Day to complete a 5K.  Well this year I do!  A couple of weeks ago I signed up my whole family. We will be walking, not running...but I think it will be a great thing to get us all in a healthier frame of mind.

Here's to a happy, healthy and sober 2015!