Yesterday was a Hot Mess

I'd call yesterday a bad day.  I was super grouchy.

First thing I did was get on the scale.  I knew pretty much exactly what it would say but I was disappointed anyway.  I've done this yo-yo dieting thing enough times to know that losing weight takes time and yet I want immediate results. After all, I've been staying within my calorie limit for almost 2 weeks and I went to the gym 6 out out 7 days last week.  Surely I'd have lost 15 pounds by now. Guess what...I haven't!

Then I went to they gym which was actually fun as I love my Sunday class.  On the way home I found out that there was an extra ticket for the playoff football game.  This should be exciting news, and it was.  It's just that I knew it would be challenging as I'd just gone to a game a couple of weeks ago.  We sit in a suite complete with a bar, bartender and food buffet.  Last time I drank tea and ate the yummy food.  This time I drank tea and ate 2 pickles!  My attitude was terrible.  I wanted to be holding a huge plastic cup filled with foamy beer.  

I wanted to enjoy the game and I did somewhat but I was filled with negative thoughts.  My own temper tantrum in my head.  WHY CAN'T I HAVE DRINKS? Everyone else is having drinks.  Why can't I be a normal drinker?  Maybe this no drinking thing was a BAD idea.  AND...this was MY idea...why exactly am I doing this to myself?

I also failed all day to have any civilized conversation with my husband. Instead, every word that came out of my mouth was either bitchy, accusatory or lecturing.  YUCK!

I was even on the brink of tears a couple of times.

I've heard other sober people talk of this magical land where they LIKE being sober.  People have said they enjoy social events sober and even have fun!  I need a map to this magical place because I was nowhere near there yesterday.

Today will be better :)

Day 20

Dry January

I've tried this now for the past 3 years and here's how it went.

January 2012 

My brother and sister in law brought up the idea of not drinking in January.  At this point I knew I drank too much but had never seriously thought about quitting for good. I am always trying to lose weight in January and this seemed like a great idea for lots of reasons.  They even had other members of my family on board.  I had good intentions but lasted only about 2 weeks.  We had people over for a football playoff game and it was very easy to talk myself into drinking.  I mean this wasn't even my idea to begin with, right?

January 2013

January went so well I even decided to go into February.  In fact I made it 45 days.  For Valentine's Day my husband wanted to go out for dinner and what's Valentine's Day dinner without wine...

January 2014

I made it exactly 31 days.  I specifically remember wanting wine so badly near the end that I was very focused on drinking again and planning out when and what and how.  I was also very glad that the Super Bowl was in February so I'd be able to drink.

I was planning to start this journey in January of 2015 and I'm glad I decided to start now instead.  By the time January rolls around I'll already be well on my way!