The Bad, the Good and the Fluffy

I've got a couple of things to write about this morning.  One is a very serious situation happening in my life and how I'm reacting to it and the other is a totally ridiculous reality TV show I'm watching.  I'll start with the serious and end with the fluff.

A member of my husbands family is dealing with a very serious health issue and unfortunately I've not handled it very well.  When it first happened I had my feelings hurt because I was not on the group text and did not find out right away.  My husband was at work and he and I didn't communicate about it right away either.  After a visit to the hospital (on which I should have accompanied him) my husband came home emotionally drained and instead of being supportive and helpful I was a huge baby because MY feelings were hurt. Needless to say that conversation didn't go well.  The last thing I wanted to do is argue with my husband during a tragedy, yet that was what was happening.  

I went to bed and told myself that I'd do better.  I needed to realize that this was not about ME!  The people who were on the group text were the ones who should have been.  I really felt like I needed to grow up and act like an adult. That was two days ago and I do think yesterday was a bit better. I accompanied my husband to the hospital and then left to pick up the kids from school.  He came home quite a bit later and was very upset. I wanted to know what was going on but I think the mistake I made was asking him the minute he walked in.  He was visibly upset and I think waiting and letting him have time to decompress would have been better.

Again...today will be better.  I think the most frustrating thing is knowing I'm acting in an unhealthy way but still doing it anyway.  It can be so hard to change behavior.

Now for the fluff!

The fluff is The Bachelor...one of my favorite guilty pleasures!  I love it and have watched for such a long time.  There is so much alcohol on that show!  I just watched the first episode of the season and there was one poor girl who drank so much she could hardly stand up (and she got a rose!)  Of course I would never be on the show but if I was a can guarantee I would be the one who would have drank too much!  Also they always drink wine on the dates.  It is such a glamorous image of wine drinking.  I would always wonder how they could do that for so many nights in a row without being hungover, how they could sip the wine so slowly.  Now I know that they are most likely normal drinkers, it just seems so foreign to me and the way I use to drink.

So there it is.  The bad (terrible things happen), the good (I'm aware of my issues and working on them), and the fluff (gotta love reality TV). 

The Pink Cloud

Yesterday, I was enjoying my typical Saturday morning routine of drinking coffee and reading sober blogs.  I was reading another blogger talking about the pink clouds of sobriety and I looked outside my window to find my very own literal pink cloud.  After I snapped this picture, my son woke up and suggested I put on some Christmas music.

All of this happened as I was freezing because our furnace stopped working the night before (Friday) and the repairman couldn't get here Saturday.  When things like this happen I tend to get hugely overwhelmed, stressed, anxious, upset.  I really needed this "pink cloud moment" and it seemed to be created just when I needed it.  A reminder that everything will be OK and to stop and enjoy a content moment in the midst of chaos.

Turns out the furnace was an easy fix.  One tripped switch reset and all was well.  And I was SO stressed out.  Maybe I need to learn to wait and see if there is anything to be upset about before I get so worked up!

Last night I told my dad and step-mom that I've quit drinking as they shared a bottle of wine with my husband.  "We only need 3 glasses," I told the waiter.  It was a relief to tell them before Christmas day as now the pressure is off.  My step-mom said "good for you," and my dad asked me if I was feeling better.  I said I was sleeping much better and we had a good discussion about that. Seems he often wakes in the middle of the night and he wondered if he'd sleep better without alcohol.  "Yes," I said "you would definitely sleep better."

Day 29

Well I have over 400 page views!  It is such a strange feeling to know that people are reading this.  Even from other countries, that is very cool to me.  Still not very many comments though...so if you are reading this feel free to leave a comment!

All weekend I have had this recurring thought that sometimes I just plain "suck at life".  Small things overwhelm me and I am a complete control freak.  I am sure I am very hard to live with.  Wine was sure good for dulling the negative thoughts that run through my brain.  After a couple of glasses, nothing seemed overwhelming and I could care less about controlling everything.  I suppose I need to learn better ways to deal with life in general.