Day 5 October 23, 2014

I feel like my mind has been on overload the past few days. I’m glad I started writing things down but I wish this was more organized. I have a million things in my head that I want to write about and not sure how to best accomplish this. I will say that it feels great to get things out and I’ve never done this before. I’m hoping it will be the difference this time. Something else I’ve never done before is read the blogs of so many other women who are just like me. Sure I’ve browsed the Internet a bit when hungover and taken a few quizzes about my drinking habits. But this week I have been absolutely captivated by some blogs I’ve found. I sit here and nod my head as I read…they are writing MY story. I’ve been careful to mark all of my entries on this blog as private. I am certainly not ready for anyone I KNOW to read this. But I’m considering the idea of people I don’t know but who might be in a similar situation reading it. Not only am I not ready for anyone I know to read this, I haven’t even told anyone in my life of my plan to quit drinking (for good) yet. If I don’t tell anyone and then I fail, no one would even know I tried. I need to tell someone.

Time for another story from the past. I’m not sure about the exact date but it was about 10 years ago. My kids were young and with grandma for the night. We were at a work function for my husband at a place famous for their strong margaritas, and that night they were free! So I quickly drank 3 (which happens to be their limit), but the night didn’t stop there. We were off to another of my favorite spots where I had around 8 or so beers. We took a cab home. I don’t remember much about that ride but I do know I vomited IN THE CAB. Of course I don’t remember the conversation my husband had with the driver but I heard it was a good one. I do remember the hangover the next day and barely being able to sit through my kids swim lessons. Although embarrassed, at the time I don’t remember thinking that I had a problem or needed to stop drinking or anything like that. This was a bad night but it was “normal”. Drinking was just what I did.